Thursday, April 10, 2008

Rampant Ignorance

This is a quote from one Rick Pearcy:

My son and I often stop by McDonald's for a bite to eat after homeschool bowling on Fridays. But not today...

Not today, in light of reports that McDonald's has decided, apparently, to declare war on my family. And to declare war on the civilization of liberty, independence, creativity, and humanity under God that my Dad fought for in World War II.

So what could a fast food chain possibly have done to incur this kind of venom? Something that strikes at the very heart of a modern, free democracy like the United States, right? Something that warrants a lazy reference to World War II to illustrate the enormity of the crime (seriously, using WWII as a shibboleth is almost past its expiration date, isn't it? Stop trying to pluck the same heart string over and over again).

So what did McDonald's do? Have they decided to start using 6 year old Vietnamese children as a meat substitute? Did they reinstate segregation? Have they decided to open a pornography-themed restaurant in Mr. Pearcy's neighborhood?

No. McDonald's decided to donate a sum of money to the Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, and now a McDonald's VP sits on the board of said institution. This atrocity has offended Mr. Pearcy to the core of his being. How dare a restaurant even acknowledge the existence of people who are not EXACTLY like Mr. Pearce in every respect. Papa Pearcy didn't wade ashore in Normandy so that some freaking faggot could fatten themselves up on fries andMcNuggets. How dare McDonald's legitimize the quite Nazi-like regime of gay men and lesbian women who are, even now, plotting to exterminate homeshooling bowlers such as Mr. Pearcy and his son. Dear God, what would John Wayne say if he were alive now? The Duke must be rolling over in his grave.

Honestly, the only thing more shocking to me than Mr. Pearcy's statement is that he is actually literate enough to have expressed it in coherent English. One of my dearest hopes in this world is now that young Mr. Pearcy junior turns out to be a absolutely, ragingly, flamboyantly gay man and that he parades in front of his father wearing nothing but black leather chaps one day, causing Mr. Pearcy to die instantly from shock, and upon his approach to the pearly gates discovers Moses frenching Jesus right before St. Peter pops the trap door and Mr. Pearcy falls into the ninth circle of hell that is reserved for bigoted, ignorant, self-righteous, shitheads such as himself.


Anonymous said...

Assless chaps, no?

;) Whitman

Dietz Vollrath said...

Why, of course. Are there other kinds?